I know I know it's been forever.i feel like a quick update on the comings and goings of my life the past month aren't going to do justice to my life, so i'll skip it all.
i'm going to move on to the here and now.
here and now i'm still reflecting on our trip to memphis a week and a half ago. while in memphis i saw mr wonderful and his best friend interacting, catching up, not missing a beat, and just enjoying each others company. and during that time i fell in love all over again. mr wonderful is more wonderful today then he way yesterday and more yesterday then the day before. i think you get the point.
something about him and his smile and his desires and his relationships with others that makes me wonder what i did to deserve him. and maybe i don't. but don't tell him that, let's keep it our little secret.
all these feelings of love and falling harder and harder in love with someone scares the crap out of me. it makes me look around and hope he doesn't see what i see. it makes me want to be myself and maybe make some mistakes and hope that he still loves me despite it all. it makes me not want to be perfect in any way because if i'm perfect today, it would mean i'd have to be forever. so i lay around in pj's more often then normal to prove to myself, to him, that it's really me he loves, not an idea of me.
i don't' want to fail again. i don't want to give myself completely to someone and realize after it's too late, we didn't fall in love with the real us.
so this is me. it's the only me i can be. i'm messy, imperfect, and emotional. and sometimes i laugh too loud or too long and sometimes i laugh to prevent myself from crying and sometimes i cry to prevent myself from being angry. i don't have it all together. i'm not smart or dumb, just somewhere in between. i don't need to be taken care of but love a helping hand. i'm poor in assets but rich in love to give. i want mr wonderful to see me for who i am. the real me. overweight and imperfect. i hope he loves me completely. despite it all.
thanks tennessee
