On my mind today is...

Well you see on may 7th my 48 year old mom was diagnosed with stage three colon cancer. She had emergency surgery 24 hours later. She's recovering well and after a long recovery from complications of the epidermal and having her abdomen sliced open. Now is the hardest part. I know my mom is going to recover physically. I know she's got the strength to beat cancer. What scares the crap out of me... Is what she's going to be fighting on the inside for the rest of her life.

My mom is a do- er. She's on church council, the athletic booster club, she volunteers at almost every home sporting event, and I'm fairly sure everyone in my hometown has benefited from her big heart at one time or another. Now she's laid up and struggling with all the thoughts that run through her head. She's scared that every headache might be a brain tumor. Everytime she's got the sniffles, is the cancer in her blood? And then there is the relying on others. She can't bend over yet so things like cleaning the house are impossible. She can't drive so she needs to ask for a ride everywhere. She gets so tired just walking that she can't get groceries. I know all that will go away but it's killing her moral. She tries so hard to put on a show. She smiles and is optimistic but i can see the pain. The cancer won't kill her, but it is destroying her.

I hate that my mom is going through this. I hate that she had to have chemotherapy. I hate that she's dependent on others. I hate that I can't take her spot. I hate that I can't fix everything.

Oh, and I got the job... In oncology.