You can't change how others act. You can only change yourself.

How much faith can you put into those you love? How much hurt can you take for happiness?

My life hasn't always been roses and sunshine. But lately, it has been tulips and daisies. Lately things have been going right. Been going good actually. I've re bonded with my family, something I wasn't sure I would ever do. I've learned to not take them for granted and to remind them when I can, how much they mean to me. I've found love. In an unexpected place, but I found it. The love I've found is real and pure and it's the greatest feeling.

But I've also found hatred. I've also found that just because I'm happy, doesn't mean everyone is happy. That there are people that don't embrace my happiness or the love I feel.

Mr Wonderful's family isn't so wonderful. Wait, they are. I guess that's what hurts. They are good people. His sister who's dislike for me runs deep. His mother who's torn down the middle. His father who says little. They are good people. They have big hearts. But they don't care to share them with me. It's hard to stand. It's hard to sit at the table during dinner and be the only one not spoken to. To be at your "home" and be treated like you've never been there before. To not have an opinion on your own life. It's hard.

I love him. I love him with my whole heart. It I lost him, I wouldn't love again. I know that in my soul, he's my everything. I know that he wants to love me. That when we're just the two of us, he tells me a million times that he loves me. He kisses me so softly and he squeezes so tight a hundred times a day. When we're with my family, he interacts with them, he loves them and he's so comfortable around them. When we are out with friends we separate but are always catching each others eyes and smiling. Even across the room I can hear him, he loves me.

Then there is his family. When we are with them he shuts down. He closes up. He pushes me out. It's as if he's too scared to let them know. He doesn't stand up for me, for us. He doesn't stand up for himself. He just takes it. When they say mean things to me, he doesn't hear. When they exclude me, he doesn't notice. They treat him like the prince he is. They talk to him. Ask him questions. Show them they love and support him in everything he does, except me.

It's hard. They are such good people.

He makes me so happy most of the time.

They don't hurt me, he does.

When I am alone surrounded by his family, it hurts beyond words. I feel like someone crushed my insides. It's hard to breath. It's hard to stay up right. It's hard to feel anything but hurt and sadness.

Are a few days a year worth many days in a year of extreme love and happiness? Can't I have it all? How do I trust that things will change when he tells me they will? How do I forgive for the past and trust for the future? How much do I take before I give up? Will anything ever change? Can I be forever with a man who's family hates me?

I love you Mr Wonderful. I can't turn that off.