I know I know it's been forever.

i feel like a quick update on the comings and goings of my life the past month aren't going to do justice to my life, so i'll skip it all.

i'm going to move on to the here and now.

here and now i'm still reflecting on our trip to memphis a week and a half ago. while in memphis i saw mr wonderful and his best friend interacting, catching up, not missing a beat, and just enjoying each others company. and during that time i fell in love all over again. mr wonderful is more wonderful today then he way yesterday and more yesterday then the day before. i think you get the point.

something about him and his smile and his desires and his relationships with others that makes me wonder what i did to deserve him. and maybe i don't. but don't tell him that, let's keep it our little secret.

all these feelings of love and falling harder and harder in love with someone scares the crap out of me. it makes me look around and hope he doesn't see what i see. it makes me want to be myself and maybe make some mistakes and hope that he still loves me despite it all. it makes me not want to be perfect in any way because if i'm perfect today, it would mean i'd have to be forever. so i lay around in pj's more often then normal to prove to myself, to him, that it's really me he loves, not an idea of me.

i don't' want to fail again. i don't want to give myself completely to someone and realize after it's too late, we didn't fall in love with the real us.

so this is me. it's the only me i can be. i'm messy, imperfect, and emotional. and sometimes i laugh too loud or too long and sometimes i laugh to prevent myself from crying and sometimes i cry to prevent myself from being angry. i don't have it all together. i'm not smart or dumb, just somewhere in between. i don't need to be taken care of but love a helping hand. i'm poor in assets but rich in love to give. i want mr wonderful to see me for who i am. the real me. overweight and imperfect. i hope he loves me completely. despite it all.

thanks tennessee

It's been awhile since I've posted, sorry about that. Let's see, what happened in November?

Well here is Percy playing with Scott's Christmas gift. Because he is soooo not a rough and tough get dirty kind of boy... he thought having to snow blow was probably his only chance of ever owning Carhart bibs and jacket, so I bought him some for christmas. I had to have him try them on and pick them out so he got them like a month early. Ok a month and a half but who's counting?

Mid November was the last home Badger game of the season. We had a BLAST. I think there were like 12 of us tailgating. 5 of us didn't even go to the game. We didn't buy tickets, we just drank, ate, and laughed- A LOT to all three. It was great to see old friends... I love how there are some friends that no matter how long goes by since you've seen each other last, it feels like a couple days. That's Melissa. She's just that kind of friend.
One day in November the sun was shining and the temperature was rising, so Mr Wonderful got the wonderful idea of driving an hour north for Sonic. Yea we drove an hour for fast food. Laugh all you want, it was TASTY! On our way back we took a detour and we drove past scott's work. He's a production planner which, as I understand it, is a fancy way of saying he tells the people in the factories what to build and when.

The night before Thanksgiving we went to my parents and hung out with my niece and two nephews. Below is them weighing Scott's head. Long story but basically we learned Scott's head is empty. :)

Thanksgiving was good. Had lunch at my grandparents and saw lots of family. Then we went to "dessert" at Scott's aunt's and visited with all his family. That evening we sat around his parents table with his mom and older sister and just talked. It was so relaxing. Then Friday we had Bradley Family Fun Night. We made taco-ish stuff and all the fixings and then played board games all night. My family can make me laugh!!

So that's pretty much what we've been up to. That was November in a nutshell.

so i'm ready for a baby. not like tomorrow, i just mean, sometime. when it happens, i will be VERY excited. we're not trying...we are still very much trying to NOT have a baby... i'm just saying that when we have a baby, we are both emotionally ready.

we've picked out names. we've discussed moving furniture around to accommodate. we've even already discussed decorations. we practice keeping each other awake at night... scott likes to cough for hours at a time making sure i am fully awake before stopping. i tend to take the more suttle approach... pulling his pillow out from under his head to make him stop snoring. both very successful in keeping sleep to a minimum.

sure i'm nervous about feedings and discipline and potty training. and what if we feed our kids the wrong food and because of it they end up stupid or an underachiever. but dude... mr "wonderful" likes to pick his nose and he's an "adult". how much hope is there really for our children?

oh my gosh and know what i can't wait for. i can't wait for the day that our son or daughter can beat him in a game of HORSE. seriously. scott is a no mercy player at all things. eating, he doesn't back down... he'll eat more then you on principal. wii games... whether you're new to the game or 5 years old, he isn't losing gracefully. the boy is competitive. so when our child can beat him at HORSE, it will be a big day in our home.

however i read something today that i had never thought about.

when a baby is... well a baby... it's easy to wait for them. it's understandable you can't force a child to learn to crawl, to learn to walk, to learn to go potty in the appropriate places. it's all on their time frame. but waiting doesn't end when they are 3... or 4... or 14... or 24. forever you must wait for your child to be ready and then support them when they need it. you don't get to pick how well your children learn. you don't get to pick their friends. you don't get to pick their college. you just have to direct them and hope they follow the path you've set out. and what about the times there is not path? the times they have to look at all the choices and just take a leap of faith. do parents really hold their breaths from the day their babies are born until the day they inevitably die? (the parents, not the baby because i refuse to think i will out live my unborn children.)

makes me think about my parents. my mom and dad paved roads for me all throughout my life. a few times i've actually followed the road, but mostly, i've made my own. more often then not i knew what they wanted, but i didn't follow. i didn't listen. they never would have "picked" the life i've lived for their child. i know they love me. they have always supported me, even if sometimes i know they had their eyes closed. how hard that must be for them knowing everyday that there is nothing they can do to make me do things. how hard that is for me to think that i have let them down.

and on the same note... how proud of myself am i that i made it out the other side. from ages 12-16 my parents probably wanted a due over. they were probably ready to give me away. but they stuck it out. then again from 22-27 i am sure they weren't overly proud of excited. but they loved me. i can honestly say that i have never wondered if they love me. there were days i wasn't sure if they ever wanted to speak to me again, or maybe that i knew i had hurt them so badly that they SHOULDN'T want to speak to me again, but i always knew my parents loved me. my dad and i used to scream at each other. (we are too much alike in so many ways... it's not our fault.) but even as my scrawny 13 year old body heaved out how much i hated him, i know he never believed me.

so yea, that's my big i want a baby... i think... post.

oh and can i just tell you how excited i am to see scott hold a tiny itty bitty baby in his arms. not jsut A baby... OUR baby. that man is going to be the best daddy ever. i can't wait for the day i get to watch his eyes when he becomes a daddy. i think his heart may explode because that man is so full of love and compasion.

i guess that's why i love him so much.

i don't iron.

last night we had to iron some work shirts for the mr.

we were on opposite sides of the ironing board making our best attempt at ironing and out of no where he reached across, grabbed my face, and kissed me.

then he smiled a huge giant smile.

i don't mind ironing so much anymore.

last night we went to see couples retreat. (funny movie) before the movie started we were sitting in the theater watching the previews and i started to smile. not because it was a funny preview or anything. not because my popcorn was super tasty... even though it was. just because i was happy.

really happy.

we spent the entire weekend trying to find the fine line between super uper laziness and somewhat productive. with days off of work to burn, mr wonderful... ahhh he is pretty wonderful... and i had friday, saturday, sunday, and still tomorrow (monday) to spend together. i'm on fall break from school so although i have projects up the you know what to finish, for the most part... it was just the two of us hanging out.

friday is rained and it rained hard, all day. yuck. we went out to lunch and go some stuff done but then we came home and spent the day laying around cuddling and watching tv and playing on the computer. it was so relaxing. saturday we got up and got tons of stuff done outside. we pulled out three giant bushes in our backyard (i'll have to get a picture, it looks so bare) and then we made 5 trips to the "recycling center" - it's basically a dumping ground for leaves and sticks. we raked a little but most of our leaves haven't fallen yet. then we went to the movie. it was so nice. i love just doing normal things with him. then today we were lazy!!! we watched the packers and we laid around until like 3. it was so nice. although at one point he had to burst my little bubble in thinking that it would always be this way... nice lazy fall afternoons. he said something on the lines of "don't get used to this, when we have a kid, lazy afternoons are over!" having a baby with him is something i want, really bad and something he wants probably even more... but seriously. we may be too of the laziest human beings known to man. :) ok maybe not that lazy. So we got up and washed outside windows, mowed lawn, and vacuumed out the car.

see, sort of lazy, sort of productive. we like to spread out productivity out over time. :)

so yea, i'm happy. really really happy. even when i'm sad or upset about school or his family or money or whatever else seems to bother me, when it comes to him and i, i am always smiling.

i like smiling.

Donald Miller: Million Miles Tour

Donald Miller: Million Miles Tour

If I wasn't in school right now, I'd be reading this book. I have a week off school at the end of October and although I have 4 BIG projects that I need to work on during that time... maybe I'll try to get my hands on this book...