New Jessica

i'm not the same person i was 4 months ago when i last wrote.
i've left my husband.
not for another man, but for myself. i was lost and i needed someone to come find me. i was the only one that could do the job. so i did it.
may 14th i filed for divorce. chris wasn't happy.
he knew it was coming, i moved out mid april.
we were fighting. a lot. we always fought a lot. why did i do it now then?
i don't know.
one day i woke up and said all the things in my life that make me happy,
aren't him.
i needed more room for things to make me happy.

i need a place to live.
i live with the greatest friends ever and they are amazing and wonderful and they rock.
but they are getting married.
they have a daughter.
they don't need two.
so i need a place to live.

i'm giving up savanah in the divorce.
that's probably harder then giving up chris.
well i know it is.
she's the most beautiful wonderful dog ever and i want to eat her up everytime i see her.
but she has a big house and big yard and she's close to her cousins.
so she's going to stay put.
i'm going to do the moving.

i gained something in the divorce.
a new best friend.
someone who just gets me.
doesn't force me to talk because he already knows.
someone who trusts me and understands.
doesn't push or pull or poke.
he just is.
we laugh, a lot. more then i thought possible.
watch a lot of sports together too which i forgot how much i missed.
we sleep a lot.
we eat a lot.
we like each other.
i don't think i'm supposed to like my best friend like i like him though.
i don't think i'm supposed to like anyone like i like him.
i'm getting divorce.
i think life ends at that point.
so i'm trying to pretend it's not happening.
trying to just pretend like i'm not happy with him.
but between you and me,
i am happy.

this is the new jessica.
one that's happy.