so there are times i feel like i am closer to my sisters they anyone else in the world.
there are times i feel like i barely know them.
i'm the middle child. classic middle child syndrome probably but i am often the outsider. i bring it on myself. my older sister says i'm "selfish". my younger sister thinks i'm a drunk who makes poor decisions. they are both right. and because of that i save them all the hassle and try to stay away.
i've given my family a bad name more then once. i drink a lot. i smoke occasionally. i knew mary jane when i was younger. i tried to kill myself on more then one occasion. i've been in the back of a squad car. i lived with a boy after only knowing him 3 or 4 months. just when they got hope i would be normal, i got married but then i got divorced.
my older sister got pregnant at a young age, still in high school but then she married poppa M and they had two more kids together and now drive a minivan and are living happily ever after two blocks up the road from our parents. her kids are probably the cutest kids i've ever seen and super funny and cute. her husband is attractive and successful and super dad.
my little sister was the star athlete. great grades, never in trouble, and spent her free time with my parents. she lived at home to go to college and she moved in with a boy my parents loved and is having the perfect wedding with plans of children shortly after the honeymoon.
then there's me. i move around a lot. not sure where life will take me next and always welcoming the unknown. i switch jobs more often then most just because i live variety. i like new challenges and i have the attention span of a two year old. my weight fluctuates and i'm ok with that. i still make selfish drunk decisions. i don't see my family every weekend or call home once a week. i go home to see them and i miss my parents when i'm away but i don't dwell on it. i often break plans or forget i made them all together. i don't always put family first and my friends mean more to me then they probably should. (This is me, notice the two beers, with Mr Perfect Fiance)
so my perfect little sister is getting married. i couldn't be happier. like everyone else who's ever met him, i love Mr. Perfect Fiance. he's exactly what she deserves and they are going to make some adorable children. much to my surprise i get to be the maid of honor. i was so excited i decided she deserves to go out of singlehood in style... vegas style. so i called a travel agent and ta da! we're taking a vay-kay! i thought i was doing the right thing until older sister tells me again i'm being selfish that i've made bad choices and i should have included her in on the planning. i should have let her call the travel agent or what? that's the extent to my planning. so now perfect little sister and wonderful mother of the year older sister are once again closing the gap on letting me in their lives. again i messed up.
i sent my mom this email today to reflect.
I really don't understand the Vegas thing. I called a travel agent and put it on your credit card. There were no decisions made. I've emailed everyone the same information every time so no one knows more then anyone else. I really don't get it. All I know is she better not ruin things for "little sister". I'm pretty tough skinned and lately it seems like I can take a lot more then ever, this just seems like a weird spot to be in. I've always sort of danced on the edge of the "family" stuff but lately it seems like you are definitely the one keeping me as close as I can get. If that makes any sense. I am hoping that "big sister" just gets over whatever is bugging her and that when "little sister" and "perfect fiance" get moved that things will be better with her and I. I fully understand and accept we'll probably never be as close as we once were but I just want to be able to know if I really, really needed her, she'd be there without judgment. Right now, I know that's not going to happen. Someday maybe though. Mom, I always feel bad you have to listen to the three of us whining about each other. It's just girls being girls I think. I wish it was different but I really don't think there is anything you can do. Mom can't fix everything, as much as we all wish you could. :) Anyway, I'm sure whenever we all start talking again I'll do something else to piss them off and the vicious cycle will start over again. It's what I do just by being me. Sometimes I can see it coming but other times (Like this Vegas thing) I have the best of intentions at heart.
And so once again everything is left for mom to sort out. Mom had emailed me early today to say that big sister emailed her and said i was being mean. ok not exactly but pretty much.
"She's looking at me"
"Am not!"
"Stop pulling my hair"
"I didn't"
We're girls, we fight.
But at the end of the day...
this is my family and i love them ALL very, very much. This also happens to be the first family picture in about 5 years without my ex in it. Weird, but a good weird.
there are times i feel like i barely know them.
i'm the middle child. classic middle child syndrome probably but i am often the outsider. i bring it on myself. my older sister says i'm "selfish". my younger sister thinks i'm a drunk who makes poor decisions. they are both right. and because of that i save them all the hassle and try to stay away.
i've given my family a bad name more then once. i drink a lot. i smoke occasionally. i knew mary jane when i was younger. i tried to kill myself on more then one occasion. i've been in the back of a squad car. i lived with a boy after only knowing him 3 or 4 months. just when they got hope i would be normal, i got married but then i got divorced.
my older sister got pregnant at a young age, still in high school but then she married poppa M and they had two more kids together and now drive a minivan and are living happily ever after two blocks up the road from our parents. her kids are probably the cutest kids i've ever seen and super funny and cute. her husband is attractive and successful and super dad.
my little sister was the star athlete. great grades, never in trouble, and spent her free time with my parents. she lived at home to go to college and she moved in with a boy my parents loved and is having the perfect wedding with plans of children shortly after the honeymoon.
then there's me. i move around a lot. not sure where life will take me next and always welcoming the unknown. i switch jobs more often then most just because i live variety. i like new challenges and i have the attention span of a two year old. my weight fluctuates and i'm ok with that. i still make selfish drunk decisions. i don't see my family every weekend or call home once a week. i go home to see them and i miss my parents when i'm away but i don't dwell on it. i often break plans or forget i made them all together. i don't always put family first and my friends mean more to me then they probably should. (This is me, notice the two beers, with Mr Perfect Fiance)so my perfect little sister is getting married. i couldn't be happier. like everyone else who's ever met him, i love Mr. Perfect Fiance. he's exactly what she deserves and they are going to make some adorable children. much to my surprise i get to be the maid of honor. i was so excited i decided she deserves to go out of singlehood in style... vegas style. so i called a travel agent and ta da! we're taking a vay-kay! i thought i was doing the right thing until older sister tells me again i'm being selfish that i've made bad choices and i should have included her in on the planning. i should have let her call the travel agent or what? that's the extent to my planning. so now perfect little sister and wonderful mother of the year older sister are once again closing the gap on letting me in their lives. again i messed up.
i sent my mom this email today to reflect.
I really don't understand the Vegas thing. I called a travel agent and put it on your credit card. There were no decisions made. I've emailed everyone the same information every time so no one knows more then anyone else. I really don't get it. All I know is she better not ruin things for "little sister". I'm pretty tough skinned and lately it seems like I can take a lot more then ever, this just seems like a weird spot to be in. I've always sort of danced on the edge of the "family" stuff but lately it seems like you are definitely the one keeping me as close as I can get. If that makes any sense. I am hoping that "big sister" just gets over whatever is bugging her and that when "little sister" and "perfect fiance" get moved that things will be better with her and I. I fully understand and accept we'll probably never be as close as we once were but I just want to be able to know if I really, really needed her, she'd be there without judgment. Right now, I know that's not going to happen. Someday maybe though. Mom, I always feel bad you have to listen to the three of us whining about each other. It's just girls being girls I think. I wish it was different but I really don't think there is anything you can do. Mom can't fix everything, as much as we all wish you could. :) Anyway, I'm sure whenever we all start talking again I'll do something else to piss them off and the vicious cycle will start over again. It's what I do just by being me. Sometimes I can see it coming but other times (Like this Vegas thing) I have the best of intentions at heart.
And so once again everything is left for mom to sort out. Mom had emailed me early today to say that big sister emailed her and said i was being mean. ok not exactly but pretty much.
"She's looking at me"
"Am not!"
"Stop pulling my hair"
"I didn't"
We're girls, we fight.
But at the end of the day...
this is my family and i love them ALL very, very much. This also happens to be the first family picture in about 5 years without my ex in it. Weird, but a good weird.
*All these pictures were taken at the family reunion at the Brewer game... I love sports so it was a perfect day for me and R. Braun hit a homer and he's my favorite so it was a good day.
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