i'm so sick of this still being an issue. i'm trying so hard to not complain and i'm trying so hard to stay strong about this. scott's family is going to a function tomorrow all day. it was made VERY clear that i was not invited. it's something scott's wanted to go to for a long time. he tried to work it out around my school so that i could go with. however, again, it was made clear that i wasn't welcomed to join the family.

i can't even begin to discribe how bad it hurts. i understand his mom is trying to do what her daughter wants. that she's standing up for her. but no one stands up for me. it's the most lonely feeling ever. i never imagined i could love someone so much that i'm willing to put myself through this over and over again. it's 7:30 in the morning and i sit here crying over his family.

how can we be forever if this is constantly looming over us? how long can i stand to be on the outside of everything they do? i know scott and his sister will be like best buds. i'll be completely forgotten. there will be pictures of them together and laughing and they'll have such a good time and he deserves that. he deserves to go and be with his family. it's not right that i make him choose. i get that. but how long can i stand being on the outside looking in. i hate to see the pictures, but believe me, they'll show me. it's like i'm the reason. it's all my fault. i'm the selfish one who's making this happen. but i'm not. i just want them to stand me. they don't even have to like me, but just stand me.

i have school in a few mins and i need to stop crying. i really do.

ugh. it's really hard to keep moving forward when i feel like i'm so alone. what is all this really for?