Donald Miller: Million Miles Tour

If I wasn't in school right now, I'd be reading this book. I have a week off school at the end of October and although I have 4 BIG projects that I need to work on during that time... maybe I'll try to get my hands on this book...

Here is Scott's nephew Cooper. He was over last Sunday helping with the gardening. It was a stressful day but this little dude didn't seem to notice. Gosh how good it would feel to be a kid again.

Here Scott and him are watering the front planter. I'm fairly certain Scott loves Cooper more then anyone else on this planet. (Including me.) :)
Ok so I am not a baker and in no way shape or form try to pretend to be one. However, Scott has won his football pool at work numerous times already and so they told him he has to bring in a treat. Well I took it upon myself to bake. Sure I could have got a kingle at the store or sent some donuts but nope... I did the "wifely" duty and baked for him.

Once i got started I remembered I don't own a rolling pin. So I used a vase instead. And at the last min I found a pumpkin cookie cutter that I forgot to use. That's how good of a baker I am.

I made there. They are supposed to look like pumpkins, mine just look like blobs of pumpkin pie filling. However... they are TASTY! I may or may not have sampled a few. I mean one. Yea I had one. ;)

I don't know how to flip this picture but this was the finished product. Yea, so they aren't SUPER cute or anything but dude, I don't bake, cut me some slack. It was actually REALLY fun and for some reason, I think I might make them again sometime. Gosh I'm an idiot for even thinking that.

Ok I guess I should get back to school work now. That was a fun distraction though! And a tasty one!

You can't change how others act. You can only change yourself.

How much faith can you put into those you love? How much hurt can you take for happiness?

My life hasn't always been roses and sunshine. But lately, it has been tulips and daisies. Lately things have been going right. Been going good actually. I've re bonded with my family, something I wasn't sure I would ever do. I've learned to not take them for granted and to remind them when I can, how much they mean to me. I've found love. In an unexpected place, but I found it. The love I've found is real and pure and it's the greatest feeling.

But I've also found hatred. I've also found that just because I'm happy, doesn't mean everyone is happy. That there are people that don't embrace my happiness or the love I feel.

Mr Wonderful's family isn't so wonderful. Wait, they are. I guess that's what hurts. They are good people. His sister who's dislike for me runs deep. His mother who's torn down the middle. His father who says little. They are good people. They have big hearts. But they don't care to share them with me. It's hard to stand. It's hard to sit at the table during dinner and be the only one not spoken to. To be at your "home" and be treated like you've never been there before. To not have an opinion on your own life. It's hard.

I love him. I love him with my whole heart. It I lost him, I wouldn't love again. I know that in my soul, he's my everything. I know that he wants to love me. That when we're just the two of us, he tells me a million times that he loves me. He kisses me so softly and he squeezes so tight a hundred times a day. When we're with my family, he interacts with them, he loves them and he's so comfortable around them. When we are out with friends we separate but are always catching each others eyes and smiling. Even across the room I can hear him, he loves me.

Then there is his family. When we are with them he shuts down. He closes up. He pushes me out. It's as if he's too scared to let them know. He doesn't stand up for me, for us. He doesn't stand up for himself. He just takes it. When they say mean things to me, he doesn't hear. When they exclude me, he doesn't notice. They treat him like the prince he is. They talk to him. Ask him questions. Show them they love and support him in everything he does, except me.

It's hard. They are such good people.

He makes me so happy most of the time.

They don't hurt me, he does.

When I am alone surrounded by his family, it hurts beyond words. I feel like someone crushed my insides. It's hard to breath. It's hard to stay up right. It's hard to feel anything but hurt and sadness.

Are a few days a year worth many days in a year of extreme love and happiness? Can't I have it all? How do I trust that things will change when he tells me they will? How do I forgive for the past and trust for the future? How much do I take before I give up? Will anything ever change? Can I be forever with a man who's family hates me?

I love you Mr Wonderful. I can't turn that off.

i have a feeling in the pit of my stomach that something isn't right.

i feel like i'm being burnt from the inside out.

i wonder how long i can stand it before it's out of control.

it was a long weekend.

i hope to put it all behind me.

i hope that when the dust settles, we're still standing.

i know the only thing i've never doubted is my love for him

i think he feels the same way.

i hope i'm right.

ahhh... survived cranfest 09. i'd post all the wonderful pictures of the event, but i didn't take any. i wanted a picture of the four of us but no one would cooperate. Ok mainly amanda wouldn't but either way. it was a fun weekend and it was really nice to see the girls again.
distance makes the heart grow fonder or something on those lines... is very true. the longer i go between seeing them, the more i realize i missed them.

this coming weekend is my cousin's fiances' bachelorette party. should be a good time. i'm definitely looking forward to it.

other then that, i have an exam in biochem tomorrow and one in A&P on wednesday so i've been studying pretty hard today. weekends are my free time. no matter how much studying i SHOULD do, i don't. it's just a thing with me. no studying on weekends. it's how i roll.

well back to it. peace out.

I know I've been gone for awhile but I guess since no one reads this anyway... I wasn't in a hurry to make time to write.

School is in full force. I'm so busy and studying so hard that I can't even begin to imagine how I'm going to ever get through nursing school. However, at the same time, I am loving it. I really hope that I am able to not only pass all my classes but more importantly, I hope that I am a good nurse. I am excited to try!

Football season is also in full force. I love Badger football games. Scott and I went to the first three games and now I'm taking this weekend off. He's taking his good friend from college. It should be a good time. I won't be around so I hope they don't do anything too crazy! :)

My entire family went to a Badger game this year... well all except Tbird. He is only 5 so having him sit still for an entire football game was iffy. That and it's sort of expensive when my sister has to buy 5 tickets so she went for 4 this year.

Going back to Cranfest this weekend with the girlfriends. I can't wait. There are four of us going again this year and we got a hotel room so we can shop all day and then crash in the hot tub all night. It's been a long time since I've had a girls weekend so it should be fun. I am looking forward to it! No school work for 3 whole days!

Well I should get dressed and finish packing. Yes, I'm still alive if anyone was concerned.

to my mr wonderful

i woke up this morning looking forward to the warmth of the sunshine.
tomorrow i'll wish it was winter.

i love beer, hot dogs, pizza and french fries.
nothing makes me happier then a glass of white wine and elegant seafood.

my favorite dates involve a night in cuddling on the couch.
eating out with the love of my life makes me smile for days.

some afternoons i find nothing more relaxing then a good book.
television and movies are my guilty pleasure.

doing a jig to eric church and george strait makes me giggle.
swaying to the acoustic guitar engulfs me in pride.

a night out in heals and low cut tops make me feel sexy.
i'm never more comfortable then when i'm lounging in sweats and a tshirt.

some days i'd prefer a gentle kiss and hug.
others it's hand holding.

everyday, i love you with all of my heart.
everyday, i know it's you i want to be with.
everyday, i feel completely me when i'm with you.
everyday, i spend with you is the best day of my life.