ok so I'm old enough to know that friends come and go. i'm old enough to not get jealous when i'm not included in things. i'm also old enough to know better when i'm losing a battle. since the beginning of time i've always said that i don't need a lot of friends, i just want good friends. i thought i had a good group of friends around that would always be there for me. then i got divorced and i've never felt so alone. sure there were people there for me. ok like two but still, that's better then nothing. then old friends apologized for leaving and came back and i thought it was all good. there are about 3 friends from my hometown that i don't want to lose. one i'm confident i never will, but she isn't the kind of friend to make plans. she's not going to call me out of the blue to do something, but she'll never turn me away if i need her. another is the same way, will never make the first move, but shows such enthusiasm when i do. then there is a friend that i always though would call. the one that pulled us all together. the one that made the plans and made us get together. i found out recently she made plans and pulled everyone together, except me. it's stupid and i shouldn't care but i really do. i really got jealous to find out she included everyone but me. i live 2 hours away, it's fine. i shouldn't be included. should i? i'm unemployed. i can drive home at the drop of a hat. why wouldn't i be included? i don't know. it's stupid and i'm being juvenile. ugh. grow up jessica. grow up.