i've been trying to blog all day but blogger hates me... do you blame it? no, me either. but it's a good day and so many days are not good days so i wanted to write.

i wanted to write about how happy i am to be starting school in two weeks and then more permanently in a month. how happy i am that i am nervous. i mean weird, right? but nervous in a good way. in a "I hope I can handle the pressure and I'm ready to find out" way. and although the sun isn't shining today and there are lots of clouds out, it's finally getting warm on a continuous basis. and warm in wisconsin is hard to come by so i want to welcome it with smiles and laughter. i wanted to write how happy i am for my little sister and her most perfect fiance on finally selling their old h0use and buying one closer to their jobs. and how excited i am for them to be able to spend tonight, their first night in their new house, together. how they don't have to live with my parents anymore. and how happy i am that tomorrow we are celebrating said house, her birthday, and her upcoming wedding with a bachelorette party and booze and laughter. AND most of all, i want to write about me. just me. i wanted to let everyone know (even thought no one reads this but they would read this if they had the time and knew it was out there and if i wanted them to, which i'm not sure i do but if you do read this you can tell me. i'd love to hear from you.) i wanted to tell all those people (which is a lot) that it's been almost one year ago that i walked away from my marriage. it was almost one year ago that i stood on my own two feet and i looked christopher in the eyes and said i couldn't do it anymore. ok it was more then a year ago that i did that but almost a year since it was in writing and the courts. it was a scary, lonely time and i hurt someone i loved but in doing so i've made myself so much happier. and by the way, he's finally happy again. i can see it when i see him. his new lady is very much into him and he's very much into her and they are adorable together. they look so much better together then him and i ever did. and let's not lie here, it's been a year since i started to fall in love again. not only with myself, but with the most wonderful amazing man. he's so much of why i'm able to be happy today. it's not him entirely, but by his existing in my life i'm able to look at myself in the mirror and be proud of what's looking back. i'm not beautiful or smart or funny but i'm me and that's ok with me. he gives me the strength to do that. he listens when i know he doesn't care but he pretends anyway. and sometimes i think he even convinces himself that he cares when really i know deep down, there's no way he could care. and he smiles at me when i need just that, a simple smile. he knows when to hug and when to kiss and when to leave me along. he holds me tight when i feel lost and he helps me find my way. he encourages and compliments and he's here. he's just here for me. mr wonderful... thank you.

i wanted to write all that but since blogger hates me i don't feel like writing it anymore.