pick up sticks

so i'm done crying about it... for now. i realized there isn't a whole lot that I can change about how things worked out. all i can do is try to pick myself up and move forward. one step at a time. i still don't know how i'm going to make this work but some how, i know that i have to.





so this weekend i decided to call an old friend. we went to the farmers market and furniture shopping. we ended the afternoon with these guys.

what a good idea. two old friends, laughing, taking nothing serious, getting pulled over for speeding but realizing the male cop enjoyed the "boob" shirt (no ticket for these girls), eating big, fat greasy burgers, and drinking beer. it was great.

after that mr wonderful and i went shopping... (ok so there's a small time in the middle of the drinking/laughing/thinking life isn't as bad as i thought- mr wonderful and i got into a disagreement. his sister whom hates me dictates his life and makes me feel like i'll never be a part of their family. we discussed how this made me feel and moved on... case closed... for now.) so we went shopping and got my favorite gourmet garlic chicken pizza for dinner and spent the early evening cuddled on the couch. then we met these guys for some drinks.

these guys are great. they are the cutest non-couple couple that i know. long story short they are going to get married and live happily ever after as soon as they get over the "i'm more stubborn then you" attitude and accept that they can love each other. they are seriously super cute and she's one of my bestest friends. we work (or maybe it's worked) together and i think i'm going to miss her more then she knows. i love that she can make me forget life's problems, sides with me when i need someone, and she listens. she's loyal and always up for a good time. she loves food (which is important in my friendships since eating is my favorite past time) and she's positive, relaxed, easy going, and she gets along with everyone. i love her. she's great. he's not so bad either. and he has adorable brown eyes. adorable.
mr wonderful tried to take away my problems. or at least let me forget about them for a few hours. he kept me smiling and he reminded me he loved me at any chance he got. he's wonderful. this weekend was also our first fight i guess. we were both drinking and i am very anti drinking and driving and very nervous about alcohol in general. deal was, i drink... he drives. an hour to go to bar time and i realized he's only had about 2 less beers then me. he couldn't drive. so i mentioned this fact to him. he found a low blow... something i probably deserved to hear, but it wasn't nice. i got sad. not really angry, just sad. he knew what he said would hurt me and he said it because he wanted to "win". he apologized as soon as he said it but it was a no take back comment. we talked in great length over it when we got home. i think it's good to have arguments once and awhile. it shows your true colors. i know he was sorry and accept his apology. maybe i shouldn't drink anymore, trouble seems to come of it.

sunday we had two birthday parties to attend. my niece and his best friends daughters. opposite directions. so i gave my niece her presents last weekend and we headed to milwaukee. the party was at a bowling alley and it was cute. she turned 5. the best part of the party was when his godson crawled over to have mr wonderful cuddle him while he fell asleep. here are some pictures of them cuddling.

they are both adorable. it confirmed that this guy is going to make an awesome daddy. kids love him. and he looks so sexy holding a little kid.
he doesn't even mind that his favorite hat was covered in spit and scrunched up into a tiny little ball. he rocked him to sleep eventually. it made me want to hug him and kiss him and never let him go.

i don't think he'll ever be able to get rid of me. i understand his fear of not being sure if he's ready for me to move in. it is soon. however, i feel maybe he's scared. he's never lived with a girl. i think maybe he's scared how it might change things. and it will change things. it'll change them a lot. some for the better, some for the worse. life's about taking risks and living each day to the fullest. i am ready for the challenge and i'm excited to start my future with mr wonderful. and at the same time... i'll never push him into changing his mind. i can wait forever for this man. i will wait as long as he needs. i want him to be ready, 100% and i want him to bring it up again. i want him to love me completely and forever and if living together might change that, then i'll live in my car if i have to. i don't want to ruin things with him. instead i'm going to look for jobs both here and up there. if he decides he wants me to move and come up there, i can accept that position. if i get an offer and he hasn't brought it up again, i turn down the offer.

i am not happy.

i am not sad.

i am not content.

i am just here.