the labor-less weekend

This past weekend we went to the Badger game. My sister, poppa M, and my nephew R all met Mr. Wonderful for the first time. He's pretty much amazing. I hope they thought so too. And if they didn't, hate to break it to you... but I don't think it's going to change how much I love him. He's wonderful, what's not to love? Notice the Bucky Badger(s) on our shirts... we're clever. He's cute.

Post Badger game we took the scenic route home and landed in a typical Wisconsin small town. Complete with a trailer park. We decided we'd set up camp at such trailer park. Here we are posing in front of out future home. yea, stopped at a bar, ran across the street to snap pictures, we're cool.
Sunday and Monday was spent being lazy. I LOVE lazy weekends. Ok so we were semi productive; laundry, vacuuming, cleaning the tailgating supplies, reading, napping... We also went for more walks. Walking with Mr Wonderful is becoming my favorite past time. Sometimes we walk in silence holding hands. Then our hands start to sweat too much so instead we talk. We talk about our future. We name our unborn children. I think Mr Wonderful likes to test my easy going-ness. Little does he know, I don't think it's a name that makes a person but truly what's inside so if we have a little boy and name him Auggie, I'll love him no matter what. And between you and me, I sort of like Auggie. Sometimes we talk about things a little more important, like our immediate future. Sure we both want to live together... then where? how will we split finances? (i hate money... he can deal with it.) are we going to get two dogs or one? before we have children or after? how long until we get to have kids? (Notice it's not if... it's when.) how do we tell our families we love each other? is love going to be enough?
Mr Wonderful understands my point of view on marriage. Doesn't agree with them, but understands then. Often when we're walking I stare up at him with the giant lake as the background and i start to think about how much he's going to miss out on by being with me forever. what if i can't ever change my mind to get married? he deserves a wife. what if his sister never forgives us? he deserves his family by his side. but then he looks down at me and he smiles or he gives me a quick kiss on the lips and looks me in the eyes and tells me he loves me and i can't think of anything else besides him. just him. for the rest of forever.

my point of view on marriage... i don't even know how to explain it. every time i try i get all jumbled up and i can't put it into words. i think marriage changes everything. it's not just a piece of paper. sure it's not like a lightning bolt comes from the sky and strikes you and ruins the rest of your life. i think marriage is an amazing thing. it's the perfect way to spend your life with someone. but it does change things. when you're married and you fight, you feel trapped. you don't feel like you can walk away for a day and come back and work things out. it's a here and now. deal with it. you're mad... too bad, i'm your husband and you can't be mad for long. you want to go shopping, too bad, i'm your husband and all your money is now mine. you lose your ability to breath. it's suffocating and it's scary. every time i think about marriage i think about all the people i hurt when mine didn't work. i tried. i told myself to make it work. i tried to make it work. but it didn't. my husband is a good person. he just wasn't for me. what if i took 10 years to figure that out instead of 2? would it have been ok for me to walk away then? if i had been miserable for 8 years extra? i don't know. i don't know how long it takes to figure out that someone is going to make you happy FOREVER and i don't want to know what it feels like to hurt someone that way again if it does happen. no one goes into a marriage thinking there's no way this will work. we all believe in happy endings. even me. so yes, i want to try forever with Mr Wonderful but i don't want to try marriage. not yet anyway. maybe someday. does that make me a bad person? probably.

Update on my dog... Savanah is better. they say she's not out of the woods yet but she's better. she's got a spot on her leg where they shaved her for her iv and some bruises on her butt and scrapes on her nose. she sleeps alot. she's not happy go lucky all the time. but you wouldn't be either if you had to sleep in a kennel instead of a nice soft bed and people were poking you all night. she has liver disease. we were told she may live a long happy life or she may die at a moments notice. that's the thing with liver disease... no one knows. for right now, i'm just going to love her and hug her any chance i get.